2019.

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Hi, my little teacups!

Yeah, it been a minute, hasn't it? so what's been new with me since the last time I talked, it been a ROLLERCOASTER I don't even know where to start, so I just thought I could do a year in a glance like a quick arse post lol that way it's all out in the open and we can start a very new year with a new blog schedule so let's get started to January 2019!  do you have your tissue? its gonna be a short but emotional year!  I'm not going to be including photos because some of the photos are of my family who will more than likely not want their children or selves on my blog without permission.



January, 01

well, the year started quite good, had the best Christmas a new year and a sober one so I could remember it for a very long time maybe even for the rest of my life. thinking about that Christmas  a new year it's going to be a memory I will never forget. 'ever'

February, -

In February I started yoga! I adored it so much and it was just a stone frow away from my house which meant I could just step outside a pop to the little building it was held at, and the lovely lady then surprised me and told me I didn't have to pay for my lessons and I was so overwhelmed with happiness, but the sad thing was she ( well it was amazing news ) she went traveling which I was over the moon about, but because I built a relationship with this yogi, I was a little bit scared to make a relationship with another so I had to stop going.





March. 

I had wanted a fringe cut into my hair for years and years and in March, I thought I'm going to get one cut in before my birthday! and I was so excited to the point I didn't sleep the night before because I thought whats if I hate it? I have already booked my appointment I cant bag out now it's rude! so I did it!! I got a fringe put in and I absolutely adored it! and now I've even learned how to cut my own perfectly straight fringe, yet it took time lol, and there have been times that I have cut it so short it has looked ridiculous. 



April.  insert free tissues here. 

So I have already written a full blog post in April when this happened so you can read that here. but if you CBA to click the link there or here my cat was very sick and we got to the point we had to say goodbye to our little old man of 18 years, but I got a tattoo of his cute little face to have him with me always but I am going to be doing a tattoo post soon soo won't be adding it to this post. so keep your eye on that. 

We also through my mother a surprise 50th birthday party which was such a lovely day and something we will remember for the rest of out life it was such a lovely surprise for her and all the memories we added around the party and all the people that shown up for her it was truly amazing! I'm getting emotional thinking about it 



May. 

I had got diagnosed with diabetes the year before this, and I started losing my weight after giving up all the carbs and sugar out of my life completely and I hit my first stone award and went from a size 18-16 which was absolutely amazing and I was so excited. I have now gone from a 18-10!!! but ill be doing a weight loss before and after and in between at a later day 



June 

and this is the day my mum was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer  I prayed to anybody who would listen, please make her be okay, please make her fight this cancer. After the diagnosis, she kinda got worse and worse to the point where she spent 2 of them months in bed not able to hardly move my dad text me and said would you like to go to the factory shop with me and you're mum. I said yes because part of me just knew that was going to be the last day out I will ever have with my mum, not knowing the next couple of weeks we’re going to get soo soo hard.

there was a happy part where I went to manchester a visited my other part of the family that was really lovely as I surprised my little niece who knew nothing about our journey to see her, I do have a video to remind me of that forever 

July 

I decided we needed something happy and I went out with all of my best friends at once, I went drinking and dancing and just letting my hair down I really enjoyed it and really took my mind off things for a couple of hours ready for the month from hell that will change my life forever.  

and we had our sister baby shower which was so lovely and what we all needed and im so glad I got home in time to be able to go because it was lovely and we got some lovely photos of my mum and our sister and bump.

august 

My little sister gave birth to my perfect little baby niece, she was perfect and just what we needed and my mum needed it. 

So on the 13th of August, it was a normal day quite sunny for that time of year. I went to see my family like I do quite a lot through the week there was a car there that I didn’t recognize and all day I got strange feeling in my tummy that something just wasn't right but I couldn't put my finger on it, and I said to Tommy I don't know who that car belongs too and he Tommy said no think your sisters friend is here. I got in and everyone was flapping and just horrible energy. I just sat down and my sister's friend was there and my sister was really panicking and I said what’s wrong and she just looked at me and was texting on her phone and her friend said do you not no? I said no? No what? She said your mum isn’t doing well Then she began to explain to me that my mum hadn’t woke up today at all only for 10 mins I just started crying so hard. All night there were doctors in and out on and of and my mum said I need to get to the hospital which really made use panic she was that bad. So we phone and explained all want was going on and they said it could either be a virus or the cancer is getting her vital organs could be shutting down we were hoping so much that it was just a virus. But deep down we all knew it wasn’t. So in the next couple of weeks, we went to see her every day. I was holding her hand and singing to her and just cuddling her. As much as we could she was getting really really confused and just wasn’t doing very well and she would shout at us it was heartbreaking it just wasn't her, she was losing the battle we just knew it wasn't a virus We had family members visit Scotland to Spend as much time as they could. Until she went away.  She would spend the next days asleep not able to wake up. To the point that I would keep an eye on her breathing until I noticed she had started breathing so strange it was scary and we all took it in turns to stay with her ust looking at her and taking it all in trying not to cry and just taking to her about random things and she would smile and it would make me smile and I would tell her little memories about when we were growing up and what we ate for dinner and just little random things because we knew she could still hear use talking to her and then she started getting worse and worse my sister phone me and told me she wanted to give use all a  kiss so I went over and she was not In a good way and screaming at people and just getting really upset and anxious so I said I’ll see if I can settle her down so I went and said what’s wrong mum and started stroking her beautiful face and holding her hand with my other one and just sssh it’s okay and she finally went back to sleep and I just got on the other side of the bed and held her hand and sang to her.  Our song forever autumn 🍂.  my sister phoned me and said you should come over she’s not doing very well to get there 10 minutes too late to be told she’s gone heather she’s died. My beautiful mum had gone. 

September

we said goodbye to my beautiful mum. 





wow, I told you this was going to be a rollercoaster didn't I?  chat soon lovely's